Vulnerability sucks! Or does it?
Many of you who may be following me on social media, may not know that I am an adult of an alcoholic. I carried with me a story that contained the negative messages, feelings, and emotions, that resulted from a chaotic childhood. I carried those negative cognitive believes into my adulthood. I reached a point in my life where that story no longer was working for me, so I chose to do something about it. I hired a therapist. A badass therapist (“BT”). I am one of the cool kids. I have a BT. If anyone knows anything about therapy or has seen a therapist you know that is all kinds of vulnerability attached. I don’t like vulnerability as it makes me feel weak, makes me cry, and makes me want to hide. I had made it a goal to avoid avoid at all costs, but in the end it has cost me over the years. BT told me to watch a TedTalk given by Dr. Brené Brown on the topic of vulnerability. I didn’t think it was fair that BT was giving me homework to do since I was paying her, but I was all in. I found the link to Dr. Brown’s Ted-talk. I was blown away. It was powerful, enlightening, and it was the catalyst for me to to change my perspective about vulnerability. My willingness to change my perspective didn’t mean that I didn’t go kicking and screaming down the vulnerability path, ‘cause I did, and it wasn’t pretty. I had always seen that vulnerability was a bad thing. It was where one got their ass kicked. It never occurred to me that I had to be willing to be vulnerable to get to where I wanted to go, even if it meant that I would at times get my ass kicked with rejection and getting hurt. I am finding that being vulnerable is much more rewarding than I thought. It is in vulnerability that we can learn to set personal boundaries, and grow. Over the years, I had said yes to so many things that I simply did not want to do. I was so afraid of either hurting someone’s feelings by so saying no, or was I afraid that I would be viewed as an uncaring person, friend or family member. Each time I said yes when I wanted to say no, I would be angry with myself and feel resentment towards the other person I said yes to. Setting boundaries and saying no, is a vulnerable act. When we do either, we are often faced with a guilt trip by someone or by self imported feelings of guilt. I think one of the hardest things that I have discovered about vulnerability is that I have lost some people along the way and other relationships have changed. You see, people don’t like hearing no, many don’t like having hard conversations and many people don’t know how to hold the space for another during rough times. I will tell you that at the end of the day I sleep better for being true to my heart space. As we begin a new week, be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and find some creative time. Hugs, Peace, and love. Your Curious Soul. creativesoulcreativepath #curioussoul #curious-soul #sonjakautzman #creativity #creative #mindful #expressivepainting #selfhelp #healing #selflove #growth #health #expressiveart #processpainting
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